Il Treno Dolore: May 2010

Cafe solo is the loneliest cafe in the world......(ed. Note: Sasquatches need company, a bit like a dog)

You only have 3-4 customers (Focker, Jemima, Rossco and Smithy occasionally) who keep coming back every few hours, they demand instant service (even though you don’t know when they are arriving), you only have cold, day old food and customers occasionally shout out demands from the course without even stopping!

Whats more, even with only 3 or 4 customers you find it hard to leave for a “smoko” break in case your riders need you. The next door camp sites geer from the side lines with their fancy puesdo F1 race team set up....Even though you’re at a bike event, you can’t really ride at all!

Despite all that Cafe solo is very fulfilling and isn’t really “the pits”!

So now, onto Fockers race....

The race morning dawned a tad cold through the cloud, with the 24hr racers having had a dry night and a bit cool, but nowhere near as brutal as past years. The path through the 24hr area hadn’t even broken into mud so a good day was ahead of the 6 and 12hr riders. Perfect riding conditions, dry but tacky tracks and cool temps but great riding conditions meant fast times straight off the line. Top teams were rolling around the track in around 20mins or a touch under over a 9km course so a great day ahead. Focker got a good conservative start off the line (for him) and rolled out in top 50 of the 300 or so (can’t remember exactly) so not too bad. Certainly not the hole shot he’d usually go for (like JP and Cabin had got) but fast enough not to be held up over the bridge.

The first 4-5 laps rolled around pretty quickly, I still had no idea of what my job was as Focker didn’t need anything so hence I kept missing lap times/splits with other competitors and was generally more interested in the battle royale unfolding up in the team leaders spots. One thing very noticeable was the speed and domination of 29rs this year. Even with a god aweful beige one piece Cabin was racing fast up front and maybe he just wanted to put the competition off their stride as well, either way it worked!

Focker was riding well, 22/23 minute laps (when I remembered I was on timing) which seemed a bit fast. Crap, is he gonna survive on the previous weeks performance pie diet (footnote below) and super taper training programme or is he gunna blow at 7hrs into it? (ed. Note – Focker super taper = 3 weeks of 2x 2hour rides and finally 1 ride a week...)

Focker missed his first planned pitstop and just took a quick piss and grabbed some lunch on the fly. A few more laps of going around and around and around and Focker pulls in. Chain lubed - check, gets help from the GF (Koob) changing strides - check, chafe cream - not needed, nipple tape - go away Sask... and he’s off again.

Darkness starts to set around 5pm in the forest so the plan was another stop at that point for lights on and another nosh. Focker was looking a bit grey at this point and I was starting to wonder what time would be best to mention he had paid for this results wise? Probably too early, wait till later. Rach and I try to feed the guy more, he’s been running on peak fuel most of the day and hardly touched the performance B&E pie made lovingly by Kirst, I’ve tried it, it’s good, in fact so good if he doesn’t nosh in soon it’ll be gone with half a box of triple choc brownie that Kirst also made - day old but still epic!

At about 7pm with 3 hours to go Rach has finished the 6hr team's race and now helping with team Focker pit duty (she better not cut in on my chafe cream opportunity). We head over to race HQ and check times, he’d been running in 3rd early on and moved into 2nd the last time I checked. 3 hrs to go and results say.... slipped to 4th, oh man, what now? Not only that, he’s slipped back by 13 mins and only 2.5hrs to go after this lap. Decision time, do we tell him even though he’s dragging his table a bit, he’s now slipped to 27/28min laps. Nah, encourage and feed him up if the pie lasts long enough. Fingers crossed, hope for the best.

Time and laps roll on a bit more, one more stop for chain lube and an extra pair of shorts (10hrs in the saddle, nuff said) and he’s off on the final few laps. Bike and body keep trucking and people in and near cafe solo stop mocking me and move onto encouraging Focker with the pit team also. Chris (Smithy) rolls in with a snapped Giant frame, ouch, seat tube insert the culprit (hope that’s warranteed), he rolls back out on his SS while the crowd diagnoses how he snapped it.
Ross and Nina depart, with Nina's classic final wish of good luck and encouragement "we'll be rooting for you by the fire at home". Crikey, ole Rossco, who has not done a lot of riding in the last year, still managed to do 6 odd hours of his 12 hour solo stint (total 91km - 10 laps was his goal which he did) and then still had enough energy left....not bad for 53 yo I reckon! ;-)

Focker rolls round on lap 25, he signals he’s toast so we figure its still too early to tell him he is in 4th, but do it anyway and I decide to flag saying the “you paid for this” I told you so lecture. Rach and I meet Focker at the finish line, he’s in pretty good shape (and could have done another lap which we encouraged him to do – but nah he was over it) due to his pie diet and mega taper programme! We are still unsure how he slipped to 4th, maybe it was the 2nd clothes change/extra chain lubing? Oh well, 26 laps probably averaging about 25mins ain't bad and legend has ridden about 240km, all on the same bike which kept running well all day, no issues at all, so Cycology, great stuff.

Couple of debrief yarns and I’m back to the camp ground to warm up. Next morning we debrief at mother’s day breaky at Zippy’s, still wondering how other riders got ahead when Ben (the winner) was the only rider to knowingly pass near the end of the day. We were all left questioning the result.....So we return to the mighty Tron and normality....

Focker checks results online on Sunday night and see’s that yep, BIG timing blunder – the people ahead of him have been given 5 and 8min laps that are waaaay wrong, so he still think's it’s 2nd overall, sweet!

Later on race timing confirm via email that is definitely the case (and give an apology) so yeah legend! The pie diet, low training km’s = 2nd overall, wicked! Rach is happy also, but miffed as to why he was patient enough to come second for a change, when he normally always comes first ;-))))))))))

Next year?.....maybe less patience, more pies, less cruising, more training, less talking, more informing the pit crew of the plan of attack and definitely more food!

The Theory of PieFockerArse....

No it’s not some weird move from “Anal Asians 3” or “the return of the second cuming”, its Fockers new endurance performance diet. Prior to any long distance event in winter, it’s important to pack in as many calories as possible. Focker stated that he had eaten 17 pies and a few donuts in the 2 weeks leading up to Moonride and it didn’t hamper his performance one bit, in fact, the Focker got 2nd.

So, lesson one, calories are important and pies offer a good balance of meat protein, fat and fat. Eat loads of these in winter and just wait for the performance gains! (ed. Note: Kids do not try this at home, especially if you are a couch bound, Playstation playing lazy little shite! You will end up a FF – if you aren't already...Also, those prone to heart failure, should only eat half the amount of pies prescribed) .

Fockers Best pie – A tie between Steak & Mushroom from the Hillcrest bakery and a Jesters Billy T. A Close 2nd is a 5 X-roads Bacon, Cheese, Tomato and steak. BP Wild bean have some nice pies too, as does Paetiki Bakery in Taupo, Licorice Cafe in Motuopa. Kihikihi SH3 Bakery has possibly the best cream donuts and iced buns on the planet.

Also a good endurance and motivating read is “A long way for a pie”. Focker currently has this available in his Library......and also a number of Pain Train members books that aren't his....

Vital stats from Fockers bike computer: Average speed: 21kph. Average hr: 149. Max hr: 178. Total ride time: 11hrs 04 minutes. Total km's: 232 km. Vertical metres Gained: 1757m

Sask “Poz” Team Focker Manager

A quick note from Focker (yeah right):

My story - yeah all what Sask said above is pretty much on the mark....I was in the Pain Cave last lap or so like I have never experienced before, but all in all enjoyed the day immensely! The first 6 hours was easy peasy and also good fun due to the course, other riders were polite when passing etc, so all good. With some good training next time, I think I could keep the pace up until at least the 9 hour mark, but yeah a lot more training than I did for sure.....Going Solo wasn't as hard as I thought and although I said straight after I had finished "never F%&$* again", like the Terminator, I'll be back for sure. If you want to do it - go for gold!
Thanks heaps to the Sask for volunteering to look after me, he did a great job and I appreciated it. Koob was awesome as well, encouragement and looking forward to seeing my darken at the end of every lap was a bone-us. Kirst cooked up some great Kai, just a shame my race head was telling me to eat Peak Fuel more than her goodies. And finally, Rossco "gorse" Healey - he was the instigator of this whole thing - 24 hours was his first idea and I said "no way, are you on something". Ross had been working non-stop all through the night to get the props ready for Nina's bid to kick butt at the Interflora World Cup in China (and she did very well - 14th in the world!!) and had got over tired, over excited and was on fire! So anyway, thanks Rossco, I wouldn't have done it otherwise.
Focker