Rantings from the Pits of the Cafe Solo 12hr shift and who ate all the pies??

Cafe solo is the loneliest cafe in the world......(ed. Note: Sasquatches need company, a bit like a dog)

You only have 3-4 customers (Focker, Jemima, Rossco and Smithy occasionally) who keep coming back every few hours, they demand instant service (even though you don’t know when they are arriving), you only have cold, day old food and customers occasionally shout out demands from the course without even stopping!

Whats more, even with only 3 or 4 customers you find it hard to leave for a “smoko” break in case your riders need you. The next door camp sites geer from the side lines with their fancy puesdo F1 race team set up....Even though you’re at a bike event, you can’t really ride at all!

Despite all that Cafe solo is very fulfilling and isn’t really “the pits”!

So now, onto Fockers race....

The race morning dawned a tad cold through the cloud, with the 24hr racers having had a dry night and a bit cool, but nowhere near as brutal as past years. The path through the 24hr area hadn’t even broken into mud so a good day was ahead of the 6 and 12hr riders. Perfect riding conditions, dry but tacky tracks and cool temps but great riding conditions meant fast times straight off the line. Top teams were rolling around the track in around 20mins or a touch under over a 9km course so a great day ahead. Focker got a good conservative start off the line (for him) and rolled out in top 50 of the 300 or so (can’t remember exactly) so not too bad. Certainly not the hole shot he’d usually go for (like JP and Cabin had got) but fast enough not to be held up over the bridge.

The first 4-5 laps rolled around pretty quickly, I still had no idea of what my job was as Focker didn’t need anything so hence I kept missing lap times/splits with other competitors and was generally more interested in the battle royale unfolding up in the team leaders spots. One thing very noticeable was the speed and domination of 29rs this year. Even with a god aweful beige one piece Cabin was racing fast up front and maybe he just wanted to put the competition off their stride as well, either way it worked!

Focker was riding well, 22/23 minute laps (when I remembered I was on timing) which seemed a bit fast. Crap, is he gonna survive on the previous weeks performance pie diet (footnote below) and super taper training programme or is he gunna blow at 7hrs into it? (ed. Note – Focker super taper = 3 weeks of 2x 2hour rides and finally 1 ride a week...)

Focker missed his first planned pitstop and just took a quick piss and grabbed some lunch on the fly. A few more laps of going around and around and around and Focker pulls in. Chain lubed - check, gets help from the GF (Koob) changing strides - check, chafe cream - not needed, nipple tape - go away Sask... and he’s off again.

Darkness starts to set around 5pm in the forest so the plan was another stop at that point for lights on and another nosh. Focker was looking a bit grey at this point and I was starting to wonder what time would be best to mention he had paid for this results wise? Probably too early, wait till later. Rach and I try to feed the guy more, he’s been running on peak fuel most of the day and hardly touched the performance B&E pie made lovingly by Kirst, I’ve tried it, it’s good, in fact so good if he doesn’t nosh in soon it’ll be gone with half a box of triple choc brownie that Kirst also made - day old but still epic!

At about 7pm with 3 hours to go Rach has finished the 6hr team's race and now helping with team Focker pit duty (she better not cut in on my chafe cream opportunity). We head over to race HQ and check times, he’d been running in 3rd early on and moved into 2nd the last time I checked. 3 hrs to go and results say.... slipped to 4th, oh man, what now? Not only that, he’s slipped back by 13 mins and only 2.5hrs to go after this lap. Decision time, do we tell him even though he’s dragging his table a bit, he’s now slipped to 27/28min laps. Nah, encourage and feed him up if the pie lasts long enough. Fingers crossed, hope for the best.

Time and laps roll on a bit more, one more stop for chain lube and an extra pair of shorts (10hrs in the saddle, nuff said) and he’s off on the final few laps. Bike and body keep trucking and people in and near cafe solo stop mocking me and move onto encouraging Focker with the pit team also. Chris (Smithy) rolls in with a snapped Giant frame, ouch, seat tube insert the culprit (hope that’s warranteed), he rolls back out on his SS while the crowd diagnoses how he snapped it. 
Ross and Nina depart, with Nina's classic final wish of good luck and encouragement "we'll be rooting for you by the fire at home". Crikey, ole Rossco, who has not done a lot of riding in the last year, still managed to do 6 odd hours of his 12 hour solo stint (total 91km - 10 laps was his goal which he did) and then still had enough energy left....not bad for 53 yo I reckon! ;-)

Focker rolls round on lap 25, he signals he’s toast so we figure its still too early to tell him he is in 4th, but do it anyway and I decide to flag saying the “you paid for this” I told you so lecture. Rach and I meet Focker at the finish line, he’s in pretty good shape (and could have done another lap which we encouraged him to do – but nah he was over it) due to his pie diet and mega taper programme! We are still unsure how he slipped to 4th, maybe it was the 2nd clothes change/extra chain lubing? Oh well, 26 laps probably averaging about 25mins ain't bad and legend has ridden about 240km, all on the same bike which kept running well all day, no issues at all, so Cycology, great stuff.

Couple of debrief yarns and I’m back to the camp ground to warm up. Next morning we debrief at mother’s day breaky at Zippy’s, still wondering how other riders got ahead when Ben (the winner) was the only rider to knowingly pass near the end of the day. We were all left questioning the result.....So we return to the mighty Tron and normality....

Focker checks results online on Sunday night and see’s that yep, BIG timing blunder – the people ahead of him have been given 5 and 8min laps that are waaaay wrong, so he still think's it’s 2nd overall, sweet!

Later on race timing confirm via email that is definitely the case (and give an apology) so yeah legend! The pie diet, low training km’s = 2nd overall, wicked! Rach is happy also, but miffed as to why he was patient enough to come second for a change, when he normally always comes first ;-))))))))))

Next year?.....maybe less patience, more pies, less cruising, more training, less talking, more informing the pit crew of the plan of attack and definitely more food!

The Theory of PieFockerArse....

No it’s not some weird move from “Anal Asians 3” or “the return of the second cuming”, its Fockers new endurance performance diet. Prior to any long distance event in winter, it’s important to pack in as many calories as possible. Focker stated that he had eaten 17 pies and a few donuts in the 2 weeks leading up to Moonride and it didn’t hamper his performance one bit, in fact, the Focker got 2nd.

So, lesson one, calories are important and pies offer a good balance of meat protein, fat and fat. Eat loads of these in winter and just wait for the performance gains! (ed. Note: Kids do not try this at home, especially if you are a couch bound, Playstation playing lazy little shite! You will end up a FF – if you aren't already...Also, those prone to heart failure, should only eat half the amount of pies prescribed) .

Fockers Best pie – A tie between Steak & Mushroom from the Hillcrest bakery and a Jesters Billy T. A Close 2nd is a 5 X-roads Bacon, Cheese, Tomato and steak. BP Wild bean have some nice pies too, as does Paetiki Bakery in Taupo, Licorice Cafe in Motuopa. Kihikihi SH3 Bakery has possibly the best cream donuts and iced buns on the planet.

Also a good endurance and motivating read is “A long way for a pie”. Focker currently has this available in his Library......and also a number of Pain Train members books that aren't his....

Vital stats from Fockers bike computer: Average speed: 21kph. Average hr: 149. Max hr: 178. Total ride time: 11hrs 04 minutes. Total km's: 232 km. Vertical metres Gained: 1757m

Sask “Poz” Team Focker Manager

A quick note from Focker (yeah right):

My story - yeah all what Sask said above is pretty much on the mark....I was in the Pain Cave last lap or so like I have never experienced before, but all in all enjoyed the day immensely! The first 6 hours was easy peasy and also good fun due to the course, other riders were polite when passing etc, so all good. With some good training next time, I think I could keep the pace up until at least the 9 hour mark, but yeah a lot more training than I did for sure.....Going Solo wasn't as hard as I thought and although I said straight after I had finished "never F%&$* again", like the Terminator, I'll be back for sure. If you want to do it - go for gold!
Thanks heaps to the Sask for volunteering to look after me, he did a great job and I appreciated it. Koob was awesome as well, encouragement and looking forward to seeing my darken at the end of every lap was a bone-us. Kirst cooked up some great Kai, just a shame my race head was telling me to eat Peak Fuel more than her goodies. And finally, Rossco "gorse" Healey - he was the instigator of this whole thing - 24 hours was his first idea and I said "no way, are you on something". Ross had been working non-stop all through the night to get the props ready for Nina's bid to kick butt at the Interflora World Cup in China (and she did very well - 14th in the world!!) and had got over tired, over excited and was on fire! So anyway, thanks Rossco, I wouldn't have done it otherwise.
Focker

Wazzati's gotta new bike too...mmmmm

Hand built in the USA, put together by myself, Sram Red, similar weight to Masi frame, only ridden once, plenty of Waz attacks to come though! Its quite nice don't you think? If it gets me under 6 at K2 I'll be even more happy with her.

Germanator's NEW Marin Roadie

Hi, you may have seen me in such movies as "I did myself - twice" and "Analyser 4, a new rating system".

But seriously, here is my new bike, as I sadly had to replace my Kona, due to making close friends with a south Auckland families car, which also made very good friends with a number of other cyclists as well. My friend Karl Murray is almost a second cousin to them......New bikes all round and no KFC for about 20 years for the south Auckland family due to a lack of insurance (sadly).

As I am also the Analyser (but Germanator 1st and foremost of course), I have to rate everything from 1-10. Out of 10, this bike gets a "I dropped the bunch again" speedy 9/10. A very solid performer indeed and the Germanator will be back to his dominating self, especially since I'm only weighing in at 69.6 kg's as well. Jan should have had me be his nutritionist I think.

Beware the mighty Sasquatch - he can swim too!

On the race front the Sask swum like he was chasing rouge campers down the stream on Sat, scared the pants of Danyon Loader and kicked his flabby ass up to the finish chute, to finish a respectable 106th (13th in age grp) of 900. Next year I practice breathing in my washing machine before taking on another Ocean swim series race. Far too many people for my liking, although, I didn't get kicked in the face, gogg's off or the old wetti downtrowl so can't complain.
Bring on the beer and hybernation, and CX!


Sask






"The BC sasquatch is also known to be able to swim. At Butedale in July, 1965, Jack Taylor was fishing when he saw two sasquatches on shore and a third in the water which was swimming very strongly. He reported his sighting to veteran investigator Bob Titmus. The village of Klemtu in the Great Bear Rainforest had a report of a sasquatch seen swimming off a beach in the area. Further details are not available at this time. Reports of swimming sasquatches have come from Tofino on the west coast of the province. Sasquatches have been seen swimming from Tofino to Meares Island on a number of occasions, the most recent being in 2002. A report of a swimming sasquatch was also received by investigator Tom Steenburg. One was seen swimming in Harrison Lake and when it came ashore, the creature shook the water off its fur much as a dog would do."

*Quote from the British Columbia Scientific Cryptozoology Club

Mont Vontoux - stage 1 of the PT Waikato adventure rides!

With a mint Waikato weekend to look forward too, what better way than explore the local mountain passes on offer so it was decided an early Saturday morning start was the go. We'll keep this short and let the pictures do the talking (mostly).
Wazzati, Cobra and Focker (Vincenzo pulled last minute to "look after" Soph....sure;-) set out early-ish for the Waikato town of Cambridge. First hiccup - Focker left his food and camelback at home (thanks to Koob for making the phone call to alert focker he wasn't alert when packing the car - we were only half way there luckily..). Ok so the ride didn't start as early as expected...
The plan - ride from Cambridge, up the Sanitorium Mountain pass (Maungakawa 1200 ft/380m above sea level - start elevation 53m above sea level) then onto Te Miro MTB tracks then back via Waikato's own Mont Vontoux (1350ft/450m above sea level) then back over Sanitorium to Cambridge for coffee and some kai. After a number of Wazza "Jan" attacks and Focker dropping the boys on anything that looked like a downhill, Cobra decided he better cut the ride short and head home early (and get Kelli to pick him up so he could to get to the airport on time to pick up his brother)....yeah right, missed all the hills and nearly rode all the way back to the Tron as it turned out - cunning Cobra plan for sure (he didn't get lost though so thats a bonus).

He missed out on climbing Vontoux(and Maungakawa again), which Waz and myself did, but were not ballsy enough to jump the fence with the big "F*&% off - private property" sign to get to the top of (50 vertical metres short) but there will be a next time - great views of the Mt Ruapehu, Lake Karapiro etc all the same. The singletrack we did at Te Miro was in mint condition also and we found a track we'd never ridden as well - awesome. So after 56km, 3 hours of riding, 1003m/3000ft of vertical metres gained (climbing) we knocked the bastard off - a long overdue ride we've been meaning to do for the last few years.
The Next PT Waikato adventure ride is Saturday the 24th April - be there!

The Inaugural Tour De Garage

What do you do when there's no racing on? You ride to each other's houses just like when you were kids and check out each other's toys...and in the interests of transparency and healthy competition you rate each others toys. Remember kids it's always a competition.

Wins

1. Outstanding breakfast and quality calendar at Guru's
2. Vincenzo's "real man's shed" and associated bike porn
3. Early adopt a team member at Sask's + ginger crunch
4. Focker's shrine (and Focker FTW with top garage on points)
5. Lucas "Did you know I've got a Moots?" Cool Hand's Yeti (circa 198? something)
6. Waz for having the good sense to get the beers in

Fails

1. Waz almost impaling himself on an exploding Candy (of the Crank Bros variety)
2. Waz's Lack of team uniform and lowest scoring garage
3. Focker's jockey's poster featuring Daniel Carter + food shortage
4. The dodgy single track off the side of Anglesea (Waz again)
5. Vincenzo's saddle (and height of) choices
6. Cool hand's Yeti matching Kayak

Focker cruising in the Coromandel

A race of 2 halves (and other Colville tales) and bad day is sometimes a good one - NO excuses, well maybe a couple...

So yeah I was feeling good all week, apart from the breathing/tight chest thingee issues + put my neck out = excuse card played but only worth a yellow card, not a red card like last years epic excuses I had used.....like "I did Karapoti the week before, the weather is shite, its not REAL mountain biking, I had to ride in the car with Cobra" etc etc.......but no excuses though, I still felt good race day, maybe too good and the Spanish hottie parked in her red VW behind us distracted me also (darken Sask) although lungs were average at the start (she took my breath away..).....I just was a bit too relaxed about the whole thing = 1st fail - no warm up (damn Spanish chick). It was a mint day too, surely everyone would want to cruise for about 40 minutes until I was warmed up?? Have I mentioned the spanish chick? (Maybe she was Brazillian....mmmmmm).....

....NOPE no warm up = fail I was in the front bunch with Jack Chapman, Scott Thorne, Jarod etc - even Scotty Raynes was there (somehow Bodo thought he was waaaaay up the road or something and ahead of us), but due to my 1st fail, as anybody knows who rides with me, if you want to have a crack, do it in the first 40 minutes of the ride.....Anyhow, after the pace went up a bit, I was just hanging on, then Bodo crashed his brains out 20 minutes into the race, about 50000 millimetres in front of me (off to a&e = AC joint + broken hand + grazing + stitches = Fail for Turbodo and a BIG bugger too) - he was riding the gravel like a muppet and nearly took Chris, Jack and myself out up the 2nd climb before his crash (which I have since had a "chat" with him about...he was disappointed this could affect any future Pain Train association or participation - rule #345 ) so that put bit of a damper on the whole proceedings to be honest.

Legs were saying go, lungs said nah not yet. So got dropped from the lead bunch by not making sure I was in the bunch on a climb (was just hovering off the back thinking I'll catch up on the downhill as I'm a demon on the gravel as you all know.....), which I should have held onto easy, as sitters Scollay and co were getting sucked along nicely with the others by the time they got to the flat road and yep never saw them again. Then to add to that, a bunch of fellow Tronites (but not able to go into the pain cave in comparison to us) Thomass, McGovern, Peploe and your grandma etc all rode past like I was standing still...farrrrrrrrrrrk.

Ole Rayne supreme was on me like a dry humping dog (as usual)....we were staying together but we are not that close yet ok Scotty....Anyhow I decided my race for any decent placing is now over, so cruise-ish until my legs come right.....normally when I do fail #1, this is usually about 40-45 minutes into the race/ride and yep - 45 minutes and 36 seconds after the start, up a steepish climb, I was back - up 3 gears almost instantly, caught and smashed past that "I"am sorry Ian Thomas, then past "more excuses than politician" McGovern within 20 minutes (they must have thought I was on drugs by the look on their faces). Once I got to the single-track, I picked up at least 60 riders in quick succession, including the underdog ginger mate of Scotty's (from the one eyed City of Canterbury) Dave was smoking along, but like all the other punters, should have pulled over for the single-track god that I am - we actually had some real mtn biking instead of all this roadie gay gravel drafting BS. It was mint too and fun! Once I hit the last steep climb out of the single-track (rode the whole thing no problem, almost threw it into the big ring just show how good I was going - everyone else was walking most of it hence I picked up more than 1000 places - even the semi-pro punter Scotty Thorne (thornado) ran some of it he said (and would have been faster than anybody too) so I was stoked with my form for that part anyway). So yep rode the whole rest of the race mostly on my own (or passed and picked up the odd wheel sucker and towed them along the coast then got rid of them when they stopped talking to me...or was it me that pissed them off from all my talking...nah). I had this funny feeling Beam me up (Scotty) was stalking me (again) but we were staying another night in Waitete bay, so he had plenty of time to try his moves then after 9 coronas....

Peploe was well gone with a strong bunch of Avery and co, so thought I'd never catch him with his current form of sitting on (after all the training and the Alpine Epic race he has just done - he said he climbed 7000m in 4 days!! Now that's a typical lawyer telling a few porkies I reckon....:-).

Such was the pace I was going at after all this passing (no one to chase, no one chasing me) I had a good ole yarn with this english guy who (wheel) sucked me from Fletchers bay for nearly all the way to the finish (he won the 155+ grade - Legend) strong old bugger though and was here visiting his daughter in TOORUNGA...WTF?(I think he meant Tauranga - Digi please confirm ;-) and doing winter training for up coming summer in the UK (races and manages a pro GAY team sponsored by the National Fire Service or something). One by one as I saw people in the distance, started to up the pace and pick them off, which then spurred me on to stop talking, which is unlike me of course... (and I could hardly understand what the pom was saying anyway between him trying to breath and telling me how good he was....I might still catch Peploe etc. I thought I saw him, then caught the guy and it wasn't him (same colour shirt). Then about 10 or so riders I caught and dropped, picking up the pace all the way (from 24-26 kph to 32-36kph on the flat - true, possibly faster.....yeah right). I thought I should let the pom do some work while I had a snack, but then the pace dropped back to 26 kph, so thought right, he's hurting (but it was nice and cruisy sitting on him all the same). I saw Patrick (Paddy to his mates ;-) Avery up ahead (on a CX bike) and he was hurting, more his arms than legs he said, but unlike all the other muppets I passed, I let him get on (I'm such a nice guy) and he's good. I thought great, we can take turns and up the pace to closer to a 50k average to try and catch more people....nope he said he was happy sitting on thanks, got out the KFC + some cream buns for desert, which is why his arms were smacked as he said (which with the road corrugations I'd believe also didn't help). With about 5km to go, I saw Peploe going up the 2nd to last climb about 1km away from me. Right, he's mine but I haven't got much time to catch him.....Up the pace we go. Dropped the old pom almost immediately (I bet he started whinging - typical) and thought I had shelled Paddy as well......nope. He was egging me on, saying I was storming along etc (highlight of my day being told that by a legend). So I put the hammer down up the climb, down the other side then Matt (Peploe) looked around, then had another look in surprise and I could tell he thought "where the hell has he come from, I thought there was only one Superman". I pulled up beside him just before the last climb, with 2km to go, did a bit of a Lance look to see what he had.....just like Arnie the Gurninator had arrived....

After a bit of cat and mouse, tickle and a poke, Paddy told me stop mucking around teasing Peploe, there are 500 guys 500m back hammering in a bunch towards us (bloody excuse #58 McGovern and co as it turned out). So up the last climb we hammer, I thought Peploe would have me to be honest - crikey he weighs 45kg or something and he needs a good feed I reckon, but he wasn't biting into my ample stash of mancake if I could help it, so at that thought, Paddy and I smashed it and I had a heap left in the tank so it was good to hear Paddy breathing hard also (possibly because he was behind me once again checking out the goods....funny that he wanted to stay behind all that time....don't be jealous Scotty ok). He told me he'd tow me to the finish for doing all the work (or something), so with the agreement made (just like Jan and Lance on the Le Tour), we smoked off down the hill, only problem was, my 2x9 with a 39 on the front was not big enough (ok Scotty yeah yeah) to keep up easily, so at my terminal and spin velocity, he had to back off a bit to 65k on the road home (slight headwind) and yeah now I was hurting....lead me across the line and let me take the "win" as it were. Damn nice young fella, had a good yarn at the finish etc, so I reckon the future of the sport is in good hands with such a humble legend in the making (like his brother Clinton no doubt) if not just a bit too happy to riding behind me.

All in all, not the result I was wanting (a sub 3 and top 3 in 35+) and lets face it Scollay beat me and he NEVER beats me....often, but that's my fault really and he had a blinder so stoked for him (could be a JAFA PT member if he plays his cards right).....still I really enjoyed the ride, single-track and conditions were great, as was the riding and drinking company - better than a good result sometimes I think. The Mussel fritters were sublime as usual too - main reason I do this event to be fare!

Seriously though, a special thanks to Scotty, Dell and Dave for putting us up and Scotty for putting up with the BS being told after 5 Stella's, 4 Coronas and 2 glasses of wine (no hangover though so again stoked with that!). Also as per every other race in the last year or so, the bike has been mint and so has the service etc - thanks Cycology ;-). Koob (Rach) had a good ride in the 24km and great support as usual. Thanks also for the great Pain Train team that I trained and rode with who enjoyed dropping me earlier on in the season and learned training is not like racing in the end though........;-))))

Karapoti - redux

As the lone PT representative I risked pain and ridicule in returning to Wellington, home of the Bushlickers and NZ's longest running mountain bike race, the Karapoti classic. Karapoti's 50kms of old school bush jungle racing over a single loop - no boring multi-lap racing here, just an out into the wops and back again as hard and as fast as your body will take you.

Last time I raced it (2004) it kicked my arse, I blame a lack of training and living in soft old Auckland. With two seasons of Waikato riding and racing in my shorts I was a lot more prepared.

Wellington, where the wind always blows it's just a matter of how hard, the day dawned windy, cold and a little wet, basically great Wellington summer racing conditions (for Wellingtonians).

After 10 minutes standing in the river we were into it, blowing through the first road climb I felt good, but as soon as I hit Deadwood, the first proper offroad climb I was reminded why I'd stuck an 11-34 cassette on the bike, low gears ahoy and just a case of grinding it out. After many false summits we cleared Deadwood and it was flying down the loose stuff and into more river riding and the sure knowledge that the Devil's stair case was just around the corner.

The last time I confronted Devil's, I was stopped halfway up by cramp in both calves and both quads, I lay by the side of the track looking so messed up that a few riders asked me if I needed them to send a medic down, a low point in my riding career. This time it was me and two other riders, I hesitate to say it was easy, but it was. I got to the top said hi to Virginia (who was official photographer for the poor bastards making it to the top) , looking at my Garmin Edge 500 ;-) I seemed to be on track for a 3 hour...talk about give me a burst of energy, it was on from there.

I vaguely remember smoking the downhill and taking the river crossing in big ring, before hitting the final climb, for those looking at the Karapoti terrain, this is the easiest of all the days climbs, it's 100% rideable and it's just about you and how much pain your knees can handle at this stage. Reached the top, grabbed some water, grabbed out a gel, dropped the gel, thought fk it, it's all downhill from here, dialled up the big ring and hauled myself down the gorge. The Garmin had been blinking out a little during the ride (I told you, it's a jungle), so I knew the time it was showing me was a little adrift from race time so there was no room to relax...out of the gorge and onto the tarmac, at this point I found a little more capacity for pain, locked out the fork and pushed the HR up a notch, then it was into the river crossing again and a dash to the finish, as I crossed I heard one of the Kennett's name check me and mention something about sub 3 hours. Sub 3 really? Did I hear right? I had to wait almost on hour before the results were printed out and there it was 2.59.15. A good day on the pain train.